i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
