So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize