I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
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