I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
