So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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