If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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