If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Randomize
