Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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