i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
