she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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