Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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