yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he shaved USA in his pubs
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
