??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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