When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize