He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
