I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
