I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Randomize
