I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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