WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
