Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
