he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
