I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
