It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
