I think im going to throw up on grandma
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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