your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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