I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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