I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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