My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think a kid would responsible me up
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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