Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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