Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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