Girls should come with a carfax report
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
