dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
