Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
