She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
