Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
