My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
