I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
