The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Randomize
