Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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