Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize