So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
