She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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