its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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