Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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