How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
