How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
