Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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