I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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