Christians are straight up FREAKS
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
