Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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