4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
