She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
