also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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