He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
