in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
