His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We need to get me chipped asap
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
