Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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