I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
