she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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