i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize