I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
