do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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