this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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