Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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