shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
