Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize