I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
How naked do you want me to be?
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