I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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