My friends, they love my intelligence
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
