I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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