I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
