i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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