I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
